//50 forsure.

hang.

she grabs her magazines; she packs her things and she goes.

she leaves the pictures hangin' on the wall, she burns all her notes;

and she knows, she's been here too few years, to feel this old.

he smokes his cigarette, he stays outside 'till it's gone.

if anybody ever had a heart, well, he wouldn't be alone;
he knows, she's been here too few years, to be gone.
//
musiclove.
i'm diggin' slow melodies right now, mellow-dies. 
mattkearney, all i need;matchboxtwenty, hang;
beyonce, smash into you; froufrou, the dumbing
down of love; or the heavy methodical metal songs
flyleaf, inflames. mostly flyleaf; i love'em.
//
boys, boys, boys.
wow, slow down life. i can only handle a couple
of guys to be constantly on my mind at a time.
conflict of interest to the max, cept i don't know
which i am more interested in! a predicament 
i must say. 
//

ten songs stuck in my head // rollercoaster.

uno; flyleaf - i'm so sick

dos; kings of leon - closer

tres; greenday - twenty one guns

cuatro; blue october - sound of pulling heaven

cinco; billy joel - goodnight my angel

seis; florence and the machine - howl

siete; taylor swift - untouchable

ocho; coldplay - lost!

nueve; mayday parade - black cat

diez; imogen heap -  the moment i said it

// rollercoaster // 

so, i believe that my life is terribly up and down lately.

this morning i felt amazingly uplifted, like i could take on the 

world without a single shiver. but alas that is hardly the

case... i don't understand.. sometimes i believe that i can

stay happy, and it works for a little while, but i guess

i just slip occasionally. or like every afternoon. whenever

i'm not around people.. harrumph.

grey would be the color, if i had a heart // depressing title, non-depressing entry!

i now have the wonderful bed time of ten pm :) and it's working out great, i no longer feel irritable, well towards some people.. and i feel great :) also! i went shopping yesterday, my whole cheque is now gone :B but new shoes a new backpack! and new clothes! i feel great! although it's a little more than a week before i get payed my dinky little paycheque.. ; on-acounta my being sick and missing 5 shifts! D: i would have had over ten shifts on on cheque! D: that woulda  been huuge :b oh well, maybe in the next 2 weeks, after this. XD

and it's coming closer.

stranded in this spooky town

stoplights are swaying and the phone lines are down

this floor is crackling cold

she took my heart, i think she took my soul

with the moon I run

far from the carnage of the fiery sun

--Kings Of Leon [Closer]

kings of leon is an amazing band. great talent. highly recommended! 

sex on fire, notion, closer, use somebody, revelry, crawl, the runner, where nobody knows, etc etc. :)

the loss of decency in this world;

myspace is sure an eye opener; there are kids no older than me, wearing next to nothing, and this is the kind of thing they are sharing publicly, and by publicly i don't mean your average community, i mean, the whole entire fucking world. i just think, not only is it foolish, but what kind of person are they if they are revealing themselves so publicly. maybe they lust for fame and the only way to get it is by self-exploitation; maybe they just dont give a fuck, so they think to themselves, " no body can control what i do, so im going to go out of my way to look like a slut. "; or maybe they're doing it for attention. i dont even know why i'm so 'ranty' maybe i wish i had the body type that i could show off, or maybe i just felt like writing something in my blog... people are slowly shedding dignity and decency, for fame and attention. anyways i'd just thought i'd share my late night/early morning rant with you guys... goodnightmorning..

as we both know, we're in over our heads; the water is rising on a river turning red.

so, is the actual turn of my slump? am i actually going to turn around this time and be happy; actually happy? who knows... i just need to get back on track, get back to school, start going to work; that is if im going to keep my job or not.... harrumph.

fiftieth post of epic sauce? i think so :)

(click picture to blow your mind)

this is what i call a look into insomnia, via way of psychedelic voyage into the humans psyche. (: 

anyway, this was my first attempt of drawing. it's full of flaws, not completely erased marks, and it may completely suck.. but i think it looks cool. :)

so yeah, that's the kind of shit that explodes onto wasted trees, when i decide to put pen(cil) to paper. 

good night my angel, time to close your eyes.

lullabies are nice. lemme list some off for you :)


lullaby - the spill canvas
goodnight my angel - billy joel
bella's lullaby - carter burwell


piano is present in most lullabies, which to me makes it the most influential instrument, it can sooth, instill intimidation, arise almost any feeling and bring it to life. part of why i want to learn to play it so bad. (:

vday

dearest valentine; who should you be this year?  am i even going to ask anyone to be my valentine this year, highly unlikely. anyone i would want to ask is either straight, or unavailable. shitty, oh well. not too hurt, it’s just another day i don’t celebrate. ugh, monday is pj day at school, and i have a math test, and i have to work. general disgust all around! spirit week, you will be the death of me. although i detest it, i find it unnaturally fun, so i shall dress up regardless of how i feel about it. would that count as masochism? doing something you don’t want to do, but you do want to do it, because you don’t want to do it? does that even make sense? one side of me says “I DO NOT APPROVE I AM NOT CONSENTING THIS” and the other half is like, “ PEER PRESSURE, DONT BE A PUSSY, DRESS UP FOR SPIRIT WEEK BITCH” ~ well, that’s terribly off topic… i am one weird child..
hmmm, well, i am writing things as they come to me now..
i really want to refine my drawing skills, if i have any, but more realism, or surrealism rather. well, if i decide to pursue such non-sense, i’ll keep you posted, or keep my drawings posted rather. [WORDPLAY!] aha, amazing; anyway, i’m off to waste the night away doing nothing!
--riley marlow

we could take a journey down memory lane, but where would it really go? i already know you.

so it seems the balance has finally reset itself, things are returning to normal, well with a couple new friends to add along, one i shall mention is ms. hiebert/wallus etc :3  she is one who you or i might say is determined, strong, and able to see clearly, she has a level head on her shoulders, and she’s tough enough to bear through pain on any level. :) derbasaur, you’re friggen awesome!

 

more on the balance resetting, i’m finally as happy as i was before this giant dilema, :) as i said, things are finally normalish again as they always USUALLY are.. :b toodalooo :)

you'll probably cry, it couldn't get me to.. : /

green eyes; yeah the spotlight shines upon you. and how could anybody deny you.

hmm. lately i've been rather down, and for some reason, i don't mind. i still haven't cried, and i want to so bad, i'm almost embracing it. but i only get seriously down at work, or at school; i don't cry there. and when i get home: i'm cheered up by then. it's almost annoying... i feel like being incapacitated because of depression for a couple days, sleeping, crying, thinking, just for a couple days, but it never gets that bad. well, all i've learned in the past little while, is the grass will always look greener. whether you have a partner, there's always a small part that wants to be single, and when you're single, you want to be with someone so bad. it's ridiculous. if you have a job, you want to be unemployed, when you are unemployed you want a job. when your happy all the god damned time, you want to cry, when your depressed, all you want is to be happy. this may not be the case for you, however i feel insatiable, and greedy; i feel as if i'm constantly letting people down. but i can't get sad enough to actually cry, musically influenced or not. and then i get upset about that, and that's where i am right now. i feel incomplete lately, and i know why. it's all my fault to, no matter what happens, no matter what anyone says, i can't go back, i would look like a fool. and still i'm so concerned about my looks, the way people think of me; maybe that's the problem. i hate this, this cycling of feelings. optimism and happiness to anger from lack of sadness, to envy of the greener grass, to anger at myself for all the things i can't go back on, but wish i could. i can't stand anyone anymore, i'm grumpy irritable, i want to stay home all the time; i feel like i did before. like slipping into an endless comatose. then there's that feeling, of emptiness, of wanting someone who's going to hold you, and comfort you. i had that and threw it away too. i feel as if i wreck absolutely everything i've ever come into contact with, and that i just ruin it, everything. there will always be the friends that i won't get too close to, but will be considered my closest friends. i won't get close, because i'm afraid of breaking it. i break everything that means something to me, everything that has ever let me be me. to me, i have rocks, and porcelain dolls. my rocks: my family, writing, my future; everything that will be there, absolutely no matter what, no matter they fade, no matter what i do to them, i will always have them. they're unbreakable. then there is my porcelain dolls; every friend i've ever had, goals, aspirations, my happiness. these are things that will degrade, whether i have much a choice or not. people change, i am one of those people. i hate that. "people change." that's what ruins everything for me.


this sucks. legitimately. 


i feel my intuition slipping, like it doesn't effect the way i feel anymore, i feel my life degrading around me, except my rocks of course. 


and then there are the broken of course; all the things i've ever ruined for myself. i'd rather not go on.


i couldn't even describe who i would want, because it would be a list of specific people. so many variations, etc. i just feel like shit maybe, but i don't because life still makes me smile..

great music alert.

"there's a ghost in my lungs, and it sighs in my sleep; wraps itself around my tongue as it 

softly speaks. then it walks, then it walks with my legs: to fall, to fall, to fall, at your feet."

♥

♥

i've founded a new band guys, well with the help of none other than ms. horrocks

florence and the machine, check them out foshizzle. :)

my favorites are:

• howl
• drumming song &&
• im not calling you a liar ♥

yee. at least you tube this shit up. :)

♥