i wish i was special, so fucking special,

but i'm a creep.


ugh, i feel like complete and utter shit. i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul. all that stuff, and it's never going to happen, i'm not nearly motivated enough to do something about it. one day i'll do push ups but the next i'll be fine with my body. the consistency doesn't exist in me, in order for something to change. there for, i am trapped in this endless pool of shit. im not asking for advice, nor am i asking for your feedback, all i want is to be skinny. slim. slender. etc. harrumph.

so, the performance was amazing. :) we may have fucked up i gotta feelin' but that's alright, i still had loads of fun. :) videos soon! the adrenaline was so energetic, : D can't wait to do it again next semester. : D

new years resoloutions

1. as cliche as it may sound, this year i'm re-inventing my outer look. slimming down, at least a little.
2. after that, go into dance lessons. jazz most likely.
3. to double pierce my eyebrow
4. and finally, to go into piano lessons, and buy myself a keyboard. :)
5. maybe if i have time for a social life i'll land myself a boyfriend. maybe, not too sure. 

this will happen.

body jealousy.

that stings a little, my eyes are burning: with the desire to be like they are, and with the desire to have one of them. but that’s improbable; i’d say never but never is a terrible word choice, as true as it may be. life sucks.

 

t.b.c’d

that god forsaken fucking room.

i will never step foot in that room ever again, so much stress and rage came from that bed; and injustice without borders. a late night mistake and a fuzzy brain, all that makes this equation complete. then exile, from the one who at that time mattered the most. as much as it’s in the past, it’s the one thing that won’t let go of me, haunting my sober brain. tearing apart my morals; yet still i don’t know what to believe. maybe i think too much. maybe, just maybe.

define;daydream

day·dream   (dae·dream)  n.

to have dream-like musings or fantasies while awake.

images fly around our conscious brains at speeds unknown, these pictures trigger thoughts, which in, turn triggers the thought of more pictures and thoughts. it’s an endless process in which we live. i would know, i live in it too. right now my mind is jumping from the last word of this sentence to the slant of the italics. the simple word ‘slant’ took me into a thought of trigonometry, Soh Cah Toa and whatnot.

the idea of thought is an interesting one. and i could only go on for eons about the way i think about things.

till next time,

“hey baby, you got one sexy laptop.”

so, pretty much i just got a laptop, it’s HOT SHIT. and that is all that this post is for. :)